So, yes…it’s been a long time since I blogged. Recently, somewhere along my road I got lost. I got distracted. I got lazy.
I’d like to blame it on my “soon-to-be-but-not-soon-enough-ex-husband” and his change in game plan to suddenly be nice. Not all the time nice, mind you, but at least amicable. At least, most of the time. Whatever it is, he started being nice. And me? Well, I just got confused. Clearly, he is not to blame. Changing to anything from how it used to be is welcomed. Honestly, I should be grateful.
I had been set in my position without knowing it. Playing defense; offensively. I was set and when you are set and the world you know (known as defense to me) shifts, you gotta shift with it or you get lost. And I did. I lost focus at work. I disassociated with family and friends. (It took a lot to spend Christmas with the ones I love the most and it shouldn’t.) I stopped running. I drank more alcohol than I would care to admit. I gained 10 pounds. I stopped writing.
“So, Self…” I said to me….”this playing defense thing clearly is not what I need to be doing anymore.” Maybe it was useful at the time and helped me to avoid caving into some sort of crazy lunacy, but it is no longer necessary.
So, now what?
As I sit on this plane headed towards California (and seriously looking forward to hanging out with my sister’s girlfriend), I am reminded of flight plans. The thing about flight plans is that they change. They change constantly. A flight plan includes a series of different points the plane “touches” en route (mysterious coordinates involving imaginary lines and degrees that no one can see or touch, but I am told they exist). The plane is expected to hit these points along the way, but things change…weather, interaction with other planes, delays, crazy passengers, etc. and when they do, the flight plan gets adjusted; new coordinates are obtained. The plane still lands at its original destination (almost all of the time), but the route is adjusted along the way based on reality.
“Self, it’s time to change your flight plan. What are you waiting for? Clearly you have had your fill of crazy and it is now time to adjust.”
And so I am.
I am re-assessing.
I am re-focusing.
I am re-booting.
I am adjusting my flight plan. I realize that these mysterious coordinates I am striving for are still destined for more editing along the way. So, I make my edits still focused on my original destination. Look forward to seeing you there.